Pouring Yourself Into Your Writing

For years, I’ve puzzled over this concept. Pouring yourself into your writing is important, they say. It’s the difference between the book that goes back to the library, lost to the recesses of memory, and the book that moves them deeply. The book that remains on their shelves for the rest of their lives and is battered and falling apart because they’ve reread and lent it so many times. The book that leaves not just its filmy fingerprints on their minds, but it’s deep handprint impressed on their hearts.

I read somewhere that pouring yourself into your writing means writing honestly. Don’t write what you think you should feel about something, but how you DO feel about something. Sounds easy enough, does it not?

Well. It isn’t.

That advice was all I had for two years of writing, and it didn’t help much. So I kept looking. Searching for the trick, the perfect technique to employ. And then I’d read the story and find that I had achieved that feat.

In my exploration, I found the saying that you should be “writing scared.” Holley Gerth said, “Be courageous and try to write in a way that scares you a little.” But what does that mean? That you write about your biggest fear? I didn’t think so, because if I tried writing a story about spiders, I’d never want to write. I’d just sit there locked up and tense, because I CANNOT HANDLE THOSE THINGS.

Or is that too literal? Does “writing scared” mean writing your biggest fear that isn’t an organism but a concept? Like abandonment or war? Perhaps this is closer to the truth. Writing about something that makes you afraid, especially if your character is also afraid of it, will translate into very accurate emotions. But for me, this advise still wasn’t going quite deep enough. I needed something more.

Mary Karr asked, “What would you write if you weren’t afraid?” and I think this hits closer to home.

Here’s the thing. In order for a story to have a beautiful ending, it must have a dark part. A sad part. A scary part. Something that the character doesn’t like, the reader doesn’t like, the author doesn’t like. But it is there because we live in a broken world, and without darkness there is no hope. There would be no need for it.

The dark part is the part that most writers are afraid to write. Though they may worry that their words will not do the good part justice, they aren’t going to worry that it will be painful or frightening. But the dark part? The part that hurts their character, but also hurts them?

Writers are afraid of that.

If it’s any consolation, we remind ourselves the ending cannot be amazing, no matter how much joy there is, if the character does not suffer. There’s nothing to compare it to. If the mountains are high, the valleys must be deep. In story, the high mountain does not matter if there’s no valley.

Now, I would never have admitted that I was struggling to pour myself into my writing because I was afraid of the scary parts. I’d probably still be denying it if I hadn’t just realized it was true.

Then one day recently, I was thinking and praying about my current WIP. This story was written during a time of deep spiritual peace, an illustration of what God’s closeness felt like to me. I honestly had no intention to do anything with the story, but after the experience I began adding plot and character. I wanted to strengthen what was already there and make it readable to someone other than just me. I’m even considering publishing it.

But here’s the problem. THAT TERRIFIES ME. Having people read that story? It’s deeply personal stuff. (Also, I named the protagonist after myself even though she’s different, so there’s that problem.)

But then it hit me. I’d written that story because I wasn’t afraid.

I’d written something without being afraid, and even reading it a few months later, it affected me emotionally.

I’d poured myself into my writing! And I wasn’t even trying.

Maybe that’s the trick. Don’t try too hard. But of course, that’s such vague advice. And vague advice is no help. So, to sum this up:

1. Write about something personal, and be honest about emotions
2. At least at first, let the story be for someone you trust with your heart, like God or your very best friend
3. When you are ready to share, be okay with vulnerability

Writing is already something deeply vulnerable. Even if you put nothing of your own emotion into your words, they’re still yours and their acceptance or rejection feels like an acceptance or rejection of yourself. But when you’re truly vulnerable? When you let your own brokenness shine through your characters? That’s terrifying on a whole new level. Is it worth it? I think so.

Image credits: WallpaperCave